The Cannon

I found something that, I have to say, seems even more impossible than my last findings. This time, what I found was actually in my house all along. I don’t know how I could have forgotten it before, but she used to write me letters, and with them, she’d pass along any kind of articles or magazine or newspaper clippings that she thought I’d find interesting. I’ll admit – I almost never read any of them when I was a kid. But I did save all of her old letters to me, I just couldn’t remember where.

Of course, I went up to the attic this weekend to look for something else, and there they were. I’d probably walked right by them a hundred times without thinking about it. Not everything she sent me was related to all this, not by a long shot, but I think I can sift through it to find what is. That’s how I found this piece, an old newspaper article she once sent to me. It seems… maybe not crazy, considering everything else, but improbable for sure. Anyway, here’s the article – I’ll let you decide for yourself.

London Lass Shoots for the Moon!

The Undertaking of the Baltimore Gun Club is Joined by Bold British Girl

No doubt all of our readers here at The Times have been following the grand escapades of the Baltimore Gun Club and their President, one Mister Impey Barbicane. The construction of the Columbiad cannon, intended to fire a projectile to the Moon, is just complete, I am assured. All day and all night, one could hear the sounds of construction, of people working away at the massive gun, and this very morning, they finally fell silent.

Here in Tampa Town, it’s become something of a sport to see who can find the best vantage point from which to view the Columbiad. Representatives from the Gun Club have repeatedly informed reporters that the necessary components will be complete well before the project’s deadline of December 1st. But while cannon-watching has inspired the public, theories abound as to the nature of the projectile – the materials, the size, the shape, all are in question. Academics debate in their halls and gunmen argue on the streets as to the best possible projectile for the Columbiad.

Readers, it seems today that we might have an answer! Word reached our reporters that President Barbicane received a communication regarding the construction of the projectile, and not a moment too soon. A telegram from London reached Barbicane, instructing him to build the projectile in a conical shape, rather than the proposed sphere, and that it should be built hollow rather than solid. While this would certainly be enough to ignite the fires of debate once again, this demand was by far the least incendiary component of the telegram. For you see, the writer of the telegram has decided to ride inside the projectile!

It sounds as preposterous to you as it does to me, dear readers, but we are assured that this is the truth. Until their arrival, the identity of the would-be cosmonaut was a mystery – the telegram was signed only as “-C”. Some believed that this was merely a silly prank – until a young lady identifying herself as Miss Caroline Rayne of London came forward as the author of the note.

Miss Rayne has met with Barbicane now, and shockingly, he has acquiesced to her request. Miss Rayne will be the first voyager from the Earth to the Moon. Already, revised plans are being drawn up for the projectile, and provisions are being supplied for the previously unmanned journey. To sate the curiosity of the public, who have been watching the grand undertaking with bated breath, a press conference with Mister Barbicane and Miss Rayne was conducted earlier this day.

Mister Barbicane stepped forward to the makeshift stage and was met with thunderous applause, and as he has always been a man of few words, he said little before gesturing for Miss Rayne to join him. Applause greeted her as well, but joined with the mutters and murmurs of the crowd, the speculation running rampant. She briefly introduced herself, before yielding to questions. “I am no wild-eyed fool, as many of you have supposed,” she said, addressing certain rumors to begin with, “The spirit of the explorer runs as strongly in me as it does in the intrepid men of the Gun Club.”

The first question asked of her was perhaps the most obvious – “Why are you doing this?” Miss Rayne appeared to consider for a moment before answering. “Because I have always been fascinated with the Moon,” she said. “And because I believe it is the duty of man- and woman-kind to always push the boundaries further. Besides,” she added offhand, flashing a winning smile, “I could hardly have it be said that an American set foot on the Moon before a Brit.” This won her some laughs from the international members of the crowd, already warming to her.

“But aren’t you afraid?” one reporter called out, brimming with concern. “What guarantee do you have that the projectile will not simply explode on firing?” Here, Miss Rayne looked almost pityingly at him as she answered. “I would not have agreed to the project if I did not have every assurance of my own safety. Indeed, President Barbicane, Captain Nicholls, and myself solved the last lingering problem yesterday. I have every faith in the principles of science and mathematics to guide us.”

Her casual mention of Captain Nicholls set the entire room a-twitter with conversation. If you’ve followed this story since its inception, readers, you know that Captain Nicholls of Philadelphia is a long-time rival of Mister Barbicane, and a leader of voices joined in skepticism of this undertaking. At this point, I myself had to stand and inquire, “Do you mean to say that Barbicane and Nicholls are now working together on this enterprise?”

She nodded enthusiastically as she confirmed that thought. “They certainly are. After their… disagreement yesterday, the two have come to an amicable solution and are both working tirelessly on the Columbiad project.” By ‘disagreement’, readers, Miss Rayne has diplomatically referred to a most notable event yesterday, in which Captain Nicholls challenged Mister Barbicane to a duel! To our great disappointment, no one witnessed the duel itself, the men having taken to the hinterlands to carry out the challenge. Rumor has it, however, that not a single shot was fired, leading one to wonder how they could have so easily resolved their differences.

Now the questioning moved on, to a reporter who asked, “Are you not afraid to travel alone? What if you do indeed meet the Selenites and they are a hostile people?” This, to me, seemed a fair question, as the possibility of Selenites has been raised time and time again during the course of this project. As willful as Miss Rayne seems, she could be no match for a tribe of wild Moon-men. “Oh, but I won’t be traveling alone,” she responded, again creating a shock of conversation in the audience. She tactfully waited for it to die down before she continued, “As part of our solution yesterday, both Mister Barbicane and Captain Nicholls have agreed to accompany me in the projectile. On December the first, we will all settle ourselves in the bullet and depart for the Moon.”

One reporter from a newspaper that I will not name, I shall only say that its poor reputation precedes it, was quite scandalized by this. “But a young lady, traveling alone with two men? Surely this is most improper!” the reporter gasped. For perhaps just a moment, I saw amusement in Miss Rayne’s expression. She put on a genteel smile and replied, “First of all, I must remind you that both Mister Barbicane and Captain Nicholls are married men, and men of honor at that.” At this, the audience had to agree. “Secondly, I would encourage you to think that a little impropriety for the sake of massive scientific progress is a worthwhile sacrifice. Should we survive this mission and return to Earth, I have no doubt people will have much more important things to discuss than my reputation.” She said this last with a sly wink, a reminder to the reporters as to the purpose of this conference.

A flurry of questions followed regarding Miss Rayne’s personal life, which I found far more improper than her proposed traveling companions, but her adamant refusal to answer any of them spoke to her personal character. She insisted that this conference was to be about the science and the mission of the Columbiad, and before long, it did return to form. Several reporters asked questions as to why the conical shape of the projectile was more favorable than the original spherical shape, and Miss Rayne answered them in detail, with mathematical proofs to back her up; she is evidently well-educated and a worthy companion of both Barbicane and Nicholls.

For my part, I must say that the young lady does seem to carry herself with the dignity and strength needed for a mission such as this. She handled herself with aplomb and proved herself knowledgeable for a lady of her age (I estimate that she is no older than twenty-five years). Readers, I was a skeptic, but I have no shame in admitting that this woman has made me believe in her cause.

She explained further that it is estimated that the construction of the projectile, if hollow, will take no more than a few days, in contrast to the Columbiad itself, which took weeks to cast and cool. This is of the utmost importance if the mission is to begin on the first of December, only two short weeks away. I have been reliably informed that if this deadline is missed, it will be many years before the Moon and the Earth are in such a favorable position for launch.

When Miss Rayne was finished answering questions, Mister Barbicane again took the stage and spoke briefly again about the deadlines and timelines of the project. He also announced that the Gun Club is opening the Columbiad for tours inside the massive cannon, open to all interested parties for a fee of five dollars per person. Although this is quite the hefty charge, nevertheless, I saw countless people in the room immediately pull out their wallets and begin counting their money, ready to leap into the Columbiad at the first opportunity. Do not think, readers, that I was so above it all either, for I have already put my name on a reservation list for the first tour tomorrow morning.

All in all, I am quite excited for the progress of the Columbiad, and I have every faith that our intrepid explorers will bring credit to the name of Earth and humanity in their voyage. From all of us here at The Times, we wish the best of luck to Mister Impey Barbicane, Captain Nicholls of the United States Army, and the singular Miss Caroline Rayne. In tomorrow’s issue, find the results of our own journey inside the Columbiad!

Now I wish I had read that when I was younger. Caroline seems… pretty impressive, actually. I know it seems impossible that she actually went to the moon in… whenever this was. But… strange things have been happening here. When I went to go look at a history book in our attic, I remembered that the last time I looked at it, it clearly showed that the first voyage to the moon took place in 1969, and under very different circumstances than those described above. But this time, when I found the appropriate chapter, it confirmed the above story. I know – I know it did not say that last time. I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s freaking me out.

There’s no date on this newspaper clipping, but I do have the reporter’s name from their byline – Marlowe Rindley. I’m going to see if I can find anything else by this person, if they did actually write more about this. I’ll keep looking through grandmother’s old letters, but I really feel like this is a lead to follow. If this article exists here, published in a real newspaper, I can’t be the only one who’s finding all of this. There have to be others; there has to be a record of this besides what I’ve got. And if there is, I am going to find it, I swear.

This entry was posted in Voyages.

One comment on “The Cannon

  1. […] another one bites the dust – the next Extraordinary Voyage story, The Cannon, went live on Friday, and the first post of my Discworld read-through went live yesterday. I feel […]

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